Last month my daughter started not so wonderful visitations with her DNA donor, and for as difficult and at times painful as they have been, I've been trying to extract the beauty and the benefit out of having to drive down to Southern Idaho two weekends every month.
I've created multiple playlists ranging from every end of the musical spectrum for the drive, taken video's (as you've been seeing lately and will see more of later), found new foodie places in Boise and have taken tons of pictures...all while reflecting the past 6-weeks.
Over the past couple weeks, I've felt like scrambled eggs in general. I got off a plane, walked into a house I had only lived in for 72-hours prior to leaving for Guatemala and then woke up and went to classes, starting Senior Studio...all with a total 360 idea/thesis concept then I had just last semester. It's been go, go, go, and maybe try to squeak in sleep somewhere. It hasn't helped to loose my weekends to travel down to Southern Idaho - time I usually spent hiking, with my kids, taking naps and catching up on homework. But since this isn't my norm any more, I've defiantly had to do some major reflecting. Reflecting on my everyday, on how to process Guatemala, on my change in Senior Studio and my Thesis, on my making process, on when and how I'll fit in my need for adventures, let alone reflecting on how I'm going to fit in sleep and maybe a decent meal to get me through all of this.
I find myself pretty blessed with a outstanding foundation of support. My husband, my kids, my parents, friends...all on the sidelines cheering me on, assisting me when I just need a timeout...there's no penalty or flag there.
So while I was back in Southern Idaho, where I was born and raised, I began this huge long reflection process on simply reflecting on where I grew up. How it has changed, how its also stayed the same. How the sugar beat factory still smells good to only Natives. How the road I learned to ride my bike down on the middle yellow line is now a four-lane 45mph hwy. Reflecting on how everything around you changes, yet your core stays incredibly the same.
Watching the few 2nd-semester students who will walk this May go through their in-process critiques I was put at ease and in panic. I know what I want to do - but then again I don't. I know I want to get down to youth's level and see what they see, make how they make, live life how they see it should be lived. Pure, fun, unedited...free.
I tried writing tonight "thesis statements' to narrow down what it is I am maybe trying to say with the work I've been exploring and in the end the lot sounded unfamiliarly different and disconnected from each other and yet so intertwined with one another as well.
In Progress Thesis Statements:
- Cultivating a child like pov in your own making can bring more honest work out of yourself.
- Our childhoods are echoed throughout our adulthood, conscience and un conscience.
- Children's pov is exponentially more pure and honest than that of an adults.
- Finding beauty in the mundane and everyday cn bring renewing affects to ones mind, soul and body.
Though I feel like there has been a lot of reflecting going on this past week (and the topic for this blog just seemed too ironic) its been good to explore my hometown with new eyes that don't see it as home anymore. It's been good to just go out and take pictures and meet new people, the new people who've moved in when I moved out and now call my hometown, home. It's been good to just take it easy when so much in my life hasn't been easy - and to just take the camera - once a language barrier bridge while I was in Guatemala is now a therapist and a friend. My Nikon, named Emma, has become a bridge to meeting people even in my hometown, a bridge to the exploration of my backyard. Its lens finds aspects of things + people my bare eyes seem to miss.
How much raw beauty is around us, everyday, and we just walk right past it. Even with kids, my son will tug on me to see some bug and I instantly shut him down at the prospect of a gross creepy crawly versus inspecting and exploring the wonder before me. I need this simplicity back in my everyday and also back into my making.
So with that being said, here you'll see a whole lot of pictures of simple little moments I found this past weekend in Nampa + Boise Idaho that while living there 24/7 I somehow missed with an uncaring monotony. Yet now with fresh new, exploring, child like eyes I am hoping to go out and take crazy amounts of pictures to share my own childlike pov and bring all of this to the table come next week when it's my turn for critique.
This week I also continued my Spaceship Project + also continued to learn timing, motion film, music etc. with another small video I made by just clips I took of us driving for my daughter's visitations. I defiantly seems to be getting better and coming together. There's small moments throughout both of the short videos where I get super excited and happy because it comes out on the screen like I see it in my head, though I know as a whole it needs more work.
So now, with only one more day standing in our way to the weekend, I say remember to Adventure with Purpose.
With Grace and Guts.