This past weekend I went to Portland, to see my hubs, get some ocean in, work my first official photo shoot in Portland and get some R&R. But what I got was just a little bit more.
This blog post comes day's late, and I debated about just waiting a couple extra day's and putting two weeks together - because overall last week; not a lot was checked off the 365-list other then the usual of me putting effort into learning botany, drinking coffee, spending time with my mini's and finding my laughter.
But what some of you may have missed, was when I first announced I was moving to Portland - I was going to be moving in June...this week. This week, our family would become one again, I would be crying to you all about the horrible traffic and how I would be dying on the I-95. I was going to have VooDoo as a daily option and misty foggy mornings with my cup of coffee. I was going to learn my way around Portland, get in my favorite pair of jeans and unpack each box with my kids. I was going to take this time to really hunker down on my book and put everything I had into being a Portland based photographer. And now...I'm not.
It's a long story, and if you've followed my blog for awhile, you'll know for the past 2-years I've been struggling with a really hard custody case with my daughter. Bottom line is Idaho won't let me leave till I get an OK from my not-so-great ex...who for 6-months has ignored every contact to avoid the topic of me moving. (and like I said long story so no comments here please, this part is personal and will remain personal).
But this on-going "single-momhood" missing my hubs like crazy really got me down this weekend. And even though we had a wonderful weekend of being on the road, soaking up beach (and major sun burns), Tillamook ice cream pit stops and laughter at the pool...it weighed heavy on me.
Shortly after leaving Portland, Of Course! my daughter had to go to the bathroom. However, the pit stop of Multanoma became impossible as the parking lot was full - therefor the exit was closed making it impossible for me to get her to the bathroom. The next stop was Cascade Locks...a town that holds a very special place in my heart.
Cascade Locks holds my favorite bridge. Yes. Bridge.
The Bridge of Gods.
The gateway on the PCT (Pacific Crest Trail) from Oregon to Washington...the last leg of the 2,650 mile journey that goes through California, Oregon and Washington.
I have been tied to this bridge for a few years now, and there is a magical power when you stand on it and look out across the Columbia River. As the wind comes up and swarms around you and into your hair - you know that life is only just beginning in that moment...full of endless possibility.
I know this seems a bit "deep" for my usually light blog posts - but it's so very true and if you ever make it past that way you must 1) go to the Bridge of Gods 2) get an ice cream cone from the only ice cream shop on the main stretch, you wont regret it.
But where I'm going with this is BRIDGES.
We all have bridges to cross in life. Some bridges we don't even know we are crossing them until we've reached the other side and look back. Some bridges have to be burned for the sake of our own hearts. Some bridges are rickety while others are straight forward and concrete. I thought all along that Portland was a strong, concrete bridge, and I was wrong.
This time away from my husband, has forced me to think outside the state of Idaho, what do I want to be doing, Oh! Yeah! HEY! I'm a mom reminder. And about a million other little things that have come along while I inched my way across the bridge...thinking June was the end...when only...it was the beginning of the bridge. These 6-months have forced me to see the things that really bring me joy (um! hello...Plants and leather accessories anyone?), it has forced me to be present for my kids (Yes...that was me on the porch tonight thirty-minutes past my daughters bedtime helping her with her math homework when I failed basic math classes in high school and college) and reminding me that I am what I set forth and do.
Maybe this bridge wasn't made to be crossed, or, there is another bridge that is where my move happens...of course I am only human and don't know the answer to these things. But, from everything I've learned from my favorite bridge attached to my favorite trail is that you only have to keep walking to get to the other side. So I guess, that's just what I'm going to do.