365/week ten

 

It's easy to say that I'm obsessed.
This past weekend I had a "mom staycation" where I had my sweet little abode all to myself.
A sunny winter weekend was all mine.
I ate enough Panda Express for 3 by myself, browsed a store without buying anything, read a couple chapters, worked on my own books, I CLEANED.  Oh man did I clean.  I cleaned every dang surface of my house and it was glorious.
But what I also did was go to the movies by myself.  I bought the tiniest bag of popcorn for an outrageous $4.00 and finally saw La La Land.

I know I should be talking about what I did this week in regards to checking off this somewhat daunting list of mine, however, it be stupid of me to not talk about La La Land instead.

For years in school it was all about "finding myself" and when myself came to graduation and was confused about who I was...I panicked.  Was I a writer? A sculpture? A photographer? A mom blogger?  Why had I given up painting? Or my illustrations?  What was my purpose on this earth.  I felt so lost.  
I do not like the feeling of lost.

So I made this list.  Hoping, praying every night that it'll get me just ONE small step closer to not feeling lost.  Yet, this list has caused several steps.  La La Land was one of them.

It's ignited the fire I used to feel with piano once again, and every damn day I've practiced over and over again.

It's brought to question my love for writing and playwrites, and yes, I've been messing around with that.

I've danced around my kitchen table a hundred times this week, with just a smile full of life there on my face.

I have really become so hyper focused since watching this movie.  And where I'm still struggling with finding peace that I may not be just a "one thing" person but a "million things" person who will forever have a confusing jumbled website.  But what I have is a heart for all of this.  The scratching sound of pen on my notebook while I doodle or write, sends shivers down my spine.  The moment my eyes connect with someone else's through a lens, I'm on an unbeatable high.  It's my dance.

I've always been one who was around and loved music.  I see music in everything.  In a moment, a memory, a person. Everything.  I've laid out a Coldplay song music video in Seattle at night over and over again in my head because I just see it.  I'm always dancing and moving and singing and listening to the music that surrounds me.  I guess, I can't expect to be a cookie cutter when I'm a milkshake who's person forgot to put the lid on.

Some day's its glorious.
Others, it freaking sucks.

But I've got 68-days behind me and 297-days ahead of me, and I plan on finishing this list.

Afffttteerr (of course) I finish this plate of hummus and go to bed.

With Grace+Guts,
-H